Karla (Episode)
Karla is the fourth episode of season one of Paradise PD. Synopsis Kevin seeks dating advice from his mom, after bombing yet another blind date with a girl. Meanwhile, Dusty rescues a flock of chickens from a car accident he caused. Plot Kevin takes a blind date to a Carbortion Wrex show, a demolition derby, featuring a robot dinosaur crushing cars, while a bunch of loud, annoying hillbillies rave about in the audience. Naturally, his date is not happy with the event and she only gets even madder, when Robby vomits on her. She gets ready to leave but Kevin asks if he can at least drive here home in his police car. Kevin's date is somewhat turned on by the idea of him having a police car before she gets into it and realizes it's a shitty old jalopy with a psychopathic, shit-smothered hobo living in the trunk. The last straw is when Kevin suggests they watch a Katherine Heigl movie, leading Kevin's date to tuck and roll, just to escape the date. Dusty works as a crossing guard but he gets distracted by a butterfly and a huge car accident happens around him. One of the victims of the accident is a truck carrying a farm full of chickens. Kevin tells his mom about his fuck up of a date and Karen tells him that all women are different, so there's no guaranteeing that his date is going to like the same things he does. Karen tells Kevin that all of this Carbortion Wrex crap is "vagina poison". Anton comes in and Kevin gets out. Anton tells Karen that she is doing bad in polls and that she needs to step up her game. The way she can give herself a better public image is to not be seen in public with Kevin. Dusty brings all of the chickens from the car accident into the police station. Randall gets pissed off at him for it. Bullet complains about how he doesn't get paid and demands payment from Randall so he can buy a Woofmaster 3000 but Randall refuses to give him any money. Randall becomes fed up with the chickens and he demands that Dusty get rid of them. So, Dusty cooks them into fried chicken and feeds them to Randall. Randall devours the chicken and absolutely loves it. Dusty says that the way he made his chicken was by using his mama's secret recipe, which includes a secret ingredient. Karen gives Kevin a new police car. It's a high-tech technologically advances car called Karla 9000 that will make him look cool. Kevin takes it out for a spin and Karla has the ability to talk, recognize who he is, and have conversations with him, much to Kevin's amazement. Kevin and Karla go around town, busting criminals together. Randall starts nipping at the bones of the chicken and he begs Dusty for more. Bullet asks Dusty what exactly he put in that chicken and Dusty reveals that he put in a bag of "unbleached flour" that he found in the back of the pantry. Bullet knows that this was actually heroin but he doesn't tell him. Bullet says that he knows where they can get more "flour", but it won't come cheap. Randall gives Bullet a check for $5,000 and Bullet convinces Dusty to start a chicken making business with him. Bullet and Dusty go down to the docks and buy some "powder" from Pedro Pooptooth. Kevin and Karla grow attached to each other after busting a bunch of criminals and they become boyfriend and girlfriend. However, Kevin doesn't want to go public with their relationship because he knows that society won't like the idea of him dating a car. Gina hears news about all of the purchasing of heroin in Paradise and she has no idea who's buying it but she did get a drawing of Dusty from an informant, though she mistakes it for Chef Boyardee. Fitz says that he had a bad experience with Chef Boyardee in the past, back at his old job. His partner Keith was killed and cut up by him. This is one of the many past experiences that gave him PTSD. Dusty officially makes his chicken selling business official, by buying a food truck and naming his business "Dusty's Chicken Truck". Customers line up to get Dusty's chicken but the most obsessed with the chicken would have to be Randall, who's willing to pawn off a priceless watch his grandfather gave him on his deathbed just to buy some from him. Clearly, he's become addicted to the heroin in it and he doesn't know it. Kevin waxes Karla at work but Karla seduces him into having sex with her. Meanwhile, Karen makes a re-election speech in front of the building they're having sex it. Just as she announces that she's running for mayor again, the garage door opens, revealing Kevin and Karla having sex in front of the audience. Dusty and Bullet go back to Pedro and asks for more "flour", but Pedro says that the prices went up and he can't afford it. They decide that they have to go to Columbia to get "flour" at a cheaper price. Karen scolds Kevin for fucking his car but then Anton comes in and tells her that when everyone saw Kevin fucking his car, they actually supported it for being progressive and Karen lets him continue fucking his car. Karla is happy that she and Kevin got Karen's blessing and reveals that she opened the garage door on purpose, much to Kevin's shock and confusion. Karla wants to have sex with Kevin again but Kevin says that he has plans to hang out with Fitz that night and Karla has a meltdown because of it. Bullet and Dusty go to Columbia and meet with Marcos Narcos, the crime lord of the drug business. Dusty tells him about how he kills chickens and Marcos thinks he's talking about killing people. Astonished with how amazing he is, Marcos loans Dusty a bunch of money and gives him the new name "El Chefe". Pedro Pooptooth beats up Bullet and threats to kill Dusty unless he shuts his business down. Bullet freaks out and tells Dusty that he needs to shut the business down but Dusty refuses. Bullet can't tell him the real reason for this so Dusty thinks he's just jealous. Bullet tells Dusty that Pedro Pooptooth is planning on killing Dusty but Dusty doesn't believe him, so the business still stands and Bullet gives up. At the Bar, Kevin talks to Fitz about fucking his car and Fitz is disturbed with this, saying he should try fucking a real woman's vagina for once. It's also revealed that Kevin has sort of gone down in history for being a car fucker. Robby and Delbert come up to him and call him a "car fucker". Kevin comes home to Karla and she's extremely drunk and emotional. She starts acting like a toxic girlfriend. She screams and curses at Kevin for not spending enough time with her and accuses him of cheating on her. Gina keeps trying to find out who this mysterious "El Chefe" is and despite the answer being right under her nose, she still can't find out it's Dusty. Just then, Kevin comes in, beaten up and he admits that it's because Karla hits him. Fitz tells him that he needs to break up with her. Karen does not allow Kevin to break up with Karla because his relationship with her is doing wonders for her in the polls. After Kevin leaves, Karen wonders if she's doing the right thing and Anton tells her that spousal abuse is also well-beloved in Paradise. Dr. Johann from Red Lobster kidnaps Dusty and Bullet and interrogates them for the secret recipe. He vows to put Dusty's Chicken Truck out of business but Dusty still refuses to give the answer. Dr. Johann threatens to smack Bullet in the balls with a flaky cheddar biscuit if he doesn't tell and the flaky cheddar biscuit is so hard it can destroy a cinderblock. Kevin drives his original car and Karla drives up and attacks them. She destroys the original car and she tells him that she does not like how he cheated on her and that she plans on driving him up to Lover's Cliff so they can drive off and die together. She traps Kevin in the seatbelts so he can't escape. Bullet finally fesses up and says that the secret ingredient to Dusty's Chicken is heroin but nobody believes him. After one solid hour of Bullet getting his ballsack beaten brawn by the flaky cheddar biscuit, Dusty finally agrees to shut down the business and tell them that the secret ingredient is flour, salt, and pepper. Karla drives Kevin off the edge of Lover's Cliff but they're saved by Carbortion Wrex, who was being controlled by Karen, who says that she was going to let her son live because he was more important that polls and that he was still on her insurance. Karen shakes Kevin out of Karla and Kevin runs to safety. Karla fights with Karen but eventually, Carbortion Wrex starts moving on it's own. Karen escapes too and she and Kevin both watch in shock as Carbortion Wrex fucks Karla. Everybody cheers for them and Anton says that he's leaving Karen and going to join Carbortion Wrex and his campaign because he's doing better on polls now. Gina arrests Pedro Pooptooth, who now goes by the name "Peter Shitmouth". Gina and Fitz talk about how El Chefe was never caught but it doesn't matter because he's not doing evil anymore. They also mention that it's sad that Dusty's business is officially over. Bullet sits down on his gigantic, plumped up balls, which are still aching in pain. Dusty apologizes to Bullet for making him suffer so greatly and makes it up to him by buying him the Woofmaster 3000. Bullet is so happy to finally have one but he can't get inside because his balls are too big to fit through the door. Meanwhile, Randall painfully recovers from his heroin addiction in Dusty's Fried Chicken Recovery Center. Characters Major Roles *Kevin Crawford *Randall Crawford *Bullet *Dusty Marlowe *Gerald Fitzgerald *Stanley Hopson *Karen Crawford *Karla 9000 *Marcos Narcos *Pedro Pooptooth *Dr. Johann Minor Roles *Carbortion Wrex *Kevin's Date *Robby *Delbert *Hobo Cop *Anton *Feather Locklear *Macaulay Cluckin *Cluck Norris *Chick Ridley *Mrs. Marlowe (Mentioned) Trivia *First episode in the series, showing Kevin dating a girl. *Paradise Police Department can't afford to give Kevin an actual police car, so he's forced to "trick out" his normal car into a shitty substitute. *Dusty works as the crossing guard, since Kevin is given a more important duty, during this episode. *Bullet wants to live in a Woofmaster 3000. *Dusty brings up his mother, as the one who used to make chicken for him, teaching him how to be as good of a chicken cook as he is now. *Pedro Pooptooth calls Dusty a "Puto". This is the masculine variant of "Puta", the spanish word for "Bitch". In this context, "Puto" is usually used as a demasculating term for men, basically referring to them as abhorrent feminine pussies. *Randall is implied to be a racist, who opposes interracial marriage, when Kevin says he'd afraid to tell his father about his relationship with Karla 9000, because she's "black". *Randall brings up his deceased grandfather, who gave him a $600 worth watch on his deathbed. *Back at his old job, Fitz used to be partners with a guy named "Keith", who was killed by canned pasta mascot, Chef Boyardee. Boyardee chopped Keith up into tiny bits and put these tiny pieces of him into various cans of his own ravioli and had them sent out into stores, all across America, having parts of Keith be prominent in ravioli cans, in a total of seven states. For some reason, the company didn't order a recall, even after they knew what had happened. *Delbert came out to his father as a "Hondasexual", a fictitious sexual orientation, wherein one is sexually attracted to Honda cars. *Dusty makes a phone call completely in Spanish, which translates to "Hello, Vato. If I don't get your flour shipment soon, I'll but you! You understand me, bitch?" *Dr. Johann and his illegal Red Lobster business from "Black & Blue" appear again. He also continues to address Bullet as "Fifi", since Bullet pretended to be an old lady's deceased dog by that name, during his stay at Heaven's Lobby Nursing Home in that episode. Continuity *Dr. Johann from "Black & Blue" makes a second appearance. He is still in the Red Lobster business and he still thinks Bullet is named Fifi, a pseudonym he went under, during his stay at Heaven's Lobby Nursing Home. Cultural References *Kevin met his girlfriend on Tinder, as implied by him asking his date if she was glad that she swiped right. *Robby ate Delbert's Choco-Nators, barfed them up, and gave them back to him. *Kevin asks his date if she likes Katherine Heigl movies. *Karen's pollster, Anton used to work for Hillary Clinton, during the 2016 Presidential Election. *Anton says that he hasn't seen voting polls decline as bad as they are now, since Adolf Hitler ordered his Nazis to unleash a blitzkrieg attack on Poland. *Anton says that Kevin is so bad for polls, that the anti-semetic Mel Gibson would get higher polls at the very Jewish location of a bagel store, near the Whail Wall. *Anton refers to Kevin as a "Gay Archie", in reference to the character, Archie Andrews, from the eponymous Archie comics. *Dusty gives his chickens names that are puns on famous celebrity names. These include Feather Locklear, Macaulay Cluckin, and Cluck Norris, being puns on Heather Locklear, MacAulay Culkin, and Chuck Norris, respectively. *Stanley Hopson used to be a genital fluffer for the cast of 12 Angry Men. *Robotic dinosaurs in the Carbortion Wrex universe include one called "Toyotadactyl", which is a combination of the words "Toyota" and "Pterodactyl", and one called "Chevysaurus" which is a combination of "Chevy" and any generic dinosaur name ending in the "-osaurus" suffix. *Kevin and Karla mention the former's FaceBook page. *While reading Us Weekly, Fitz comments on the celebrity relationship between Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, claming that the thinks Shelton can do better. *''Chef Boyardee'' is a criminal, who encountered Fitz at his old job. Boyardee killed his partner, "Keith", cut his body up into pieces, and hid the parts in cans of ravioli across seven states. *Fitz jokes that Kathy Griffin's vagina reeks of gasoline and will burn the penis off of any man, who enters it. *Delbert came out to his father as a "Hondasexual", a fictitious sexual orientation, where one is attracted to Honda cars. *Anton references to Johnny Depp and his domestic abuse allegations against his wife, Amber Heard. Category:Episodes